


Miles

by percentageare



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 04:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14804495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/percentageare/pseuds/percentageare
Summary: He was used to sitting alone in the lounge for boarding, but a long time ago, a long, long time ago, there was someone else. Yes, that was a long time ago. It almost felt like a lifetime.





	Miles

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing, this is a work by a clueless insomniac. I don't even speak/write English as my first language.

The weather was almost perfect to a fault, an unforgettable shade of cyan, the clouds are miles and miles away. 

 

Yuzuru wondered whether he would be seeing them when his plane take-off. He stared aimlessly at the broad glass panels that separated himself and the entire world, but he appreciated this view, there was no one on the other end waiting with a camera or staring at him, it was only him and the endless field of runways and planes. It gave him some privacy and space to contemplate.

 

He was used to sitting alone in the lounge for boarding, but a long time ago, a long, long time ago, there was someone else. Yes, that was a long time ago. It almost felt like a lifetime.

 

Till this date, he can still catch the cologne Javier sometimes wear, or the faint scent of coffee in his breath, with warmth radiating like having an internal sun within that traverse through two layers of jacket and another two layers of t-shirt. They leaned so close, practically over each other really, for Yuzuru to take him in and often enough to recall effortlessly. 

 

Those were the days where he shared almost everything with Javier: practice time, ice rink, coaching team, competition podiums (although they trade places sometimes), and perhaps, even feelings, too. 

 

Call it an educated guess, Yuzuru knew his training partner felt the same way about him too, they never really did need to talk about it, it’s quite apparent if one would just take a glance at them together. He knew he could have Javier if he asked for it; but he didn’t have to, Javier was his even without it. 

 

But things change, and so do people.

 

An Olympic gold medal came, and swept both of them off their feet, more so with Yuzuru.

Suddenly there was a whirlwind of media coverage, public attention, fans and followers, standing between him and what he used to have. It was a glamour he never wanted, all he wants was a victory.

 

He never wanted to lose Javier. But he did. 

In the process of winning medals, doing ice shows, winning more medals, giving interviews, winning more and more medals, appearing on television, and winning more and more and more medals, he lost Javier Fernandez. 

They never really talk about it, like they never did talk about how they feel either, but something was no longer there when he realised it was missing. 

 

Yuzuru would be lying if he tells anyone he didn’t see it coming, because he did, and yet he still let it happen. To him, there is no balance between things. He is a perfectionist, he would do things to the very best, or to the very extremes. 

He didn’t exactly know why he decided to choose his skating life over Javier, there were too many things to achieve, goals and records that need to be satisfied, met and broken, he was too busy to think things over. He wanted himself to be busy enough to neglect it.

 

But now, perhaps after everything has ended, he could finally admit the truth. Yuzuru knew that if he had just told Javier that he loved him, they would be together now, through all the atrocities and injuries. He could’ve laid over him and listen to his heartbeat in soothing the pain his body was giving him, or marvel at how much he was loved through the steady beating of his heart, or feel its quickening pace when they share a kiss.

Yet, despite the strong feelings he felt for Javier, at that moment, it was not enough for him to be satisfied. He cannot be satisfied with having love, sacrificing and giving up the glory he could have with the medals.

 

It was so silly. 

There were many medals, but there’s only one Javier Fernandez. And he gave it up for the mere curiousity of how it felt like to stand on the podium and be applauded.

 

But how could he not want it all? 

His family gave up almost everything so he could skate, he left his country in ruins for a better environment, how could he refuse, when he needs to prove to the people that sacrificed everything just so he can be where he is at?

Is it so wrong for him to be the best and take the glory with him?

 

Maybe not, because the world adored him, but fate punished him.

Yuzuru thought Javier, out of all people, would appreciate the choices he made, and they would still be okay. Javier did understood, he let it all happen, while he let all of it go at the same time.

 

Some nights he dream of Javier, Yuzuru would be sitting on the plane while Javier would be standing on the runway, the plane would take off and Javier would become smaller and smaller in the window, slowly fading away and vanish from his sight.

 

His visions started to blur when the tears welled up in his eyes, Yuzuru held his head back and tried to blink them away, only resulting in them falling and landing on the collar of his jacket. He can feel the weight of the tears slowly absorbed by the fabric, he wished he too can feel the weight of the tears, as they fall and leave him lighter than before.

 

Maybe the reason why he could let go so easily was that, a part of him, however small it is, knew that there is a possibility Javier and him would break up, no matter how much they have given up, or how hard it was for them to be together, or how good they were for each other. 

A part of him thought they wouldn’t be able to withstand the pressure of being each other’s strongest competition, seeing the other day in and out, while sharing mutual romantic feelings. 

If it could end badly for both parties and in all aspects of their lives, why even start at all.

 

Only now that he had everything, and he lets go of them all, he sees everything too clearly. He’d suffer this loss just to be with him. Yuzuru realised he could be this selfless, he was just never brave enough to admit, he could love someone beyond himself. 

He also understood one thing: it’s like a competition, once the music started, there is no turning back. You either win or lose, you could try it again, but it will never be the same. Seasons pass as years goes by, he can always do another Chopin, or try Seimei over and over again, yet no one can turn a spin back, not even when he’s the first one to successfully land a quad Axel in competition.

 

The announcements for boarding came crisp and clear, shaking the air with a magnitude. Yuzuru wiped his nose clean with a tissue, he fumbled for another for his cheeks when his fingers touched something silky smooth, and he pulled out a blue ribbon from the pocket.

What a beautiful shade of blue, even after all these years.

He held the soft fabric to his face, and for the first time in a long while, he knew what he wanted in life. But just as every story goes, he couldn’t have it.

 

Yuzuru clutched the ribbon in his hand, and braved himself to withstand what he has just decided to do. It doesn’t matter if Javier doesn’t want him anymore, but it certainly wouldn’t stop him trying to get him back.

He just found his courage.

 

Looks like he won’t be enjoying the clear skies on a high altitude today, he thought to himself, as he pulled his luggage and walked away from the gates.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend Yuzu to walk away, but he did (?). It was suppose to end with him holding that ribbon and feeling sad for himself, but I wanted him to be happy dammit.


End file.
